i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
