you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
your like the ambassador to my penis.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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