thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
