I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
