So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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