unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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