fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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