i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
