I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
is it fun? or sober?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
