Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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