if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
