Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
