I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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