Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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