sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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