Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
