I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize