and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
