the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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