I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
