it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You are the jesus of drinking
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
