i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
