Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
