apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I look better un-naked...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
