why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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