I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
