I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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