Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
a search helicopter?!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
