If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
