Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize