Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
