no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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