She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Operation Purity has been aborted
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
