Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
