Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
