before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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