I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
