I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
