we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
this will be a night to untag.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
