Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
