Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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