distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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