Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
