hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
