Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I cockslap morals
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
