I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
