i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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