If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My bed smells like the plague
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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