don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
