Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
