can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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