I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
