I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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