I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
