I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
