so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
