he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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