i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
