You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
