She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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