Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
