My hand turned me down
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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