wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
