he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
