"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
