i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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