I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
