My underwear smells like fireworks.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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