Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think your dad took our porno
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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