I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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