Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Randomize
