my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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