Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize