oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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