It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
